Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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