this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
