I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
