dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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