I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
