I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
