Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
