I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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