I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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