He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
