I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
