glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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