Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
