Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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