a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
