I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
