is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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