even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
