now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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