Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
