My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
