omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
A bitchslap is in order.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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