there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize