someone get that fucking seahorse.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
