I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
