I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
