there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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