She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
