I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
