I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
