All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Randomize