just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
