Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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