I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
