I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
You smell like a Billy Joel song
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Randomize
