Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize