I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
