Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
