We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
