Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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