my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
