did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
