a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
