last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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