So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
