Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
