we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
