The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
