Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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