and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
