Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
farters have to be the big spoon...
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
