Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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