I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
