I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
