i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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