How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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