you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
