i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
