Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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