halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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