I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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