There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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