I can tuck mytits in my pants
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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