i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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