the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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