Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
