Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
