it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
