I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
