I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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