i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize