I can't watch pbs sober anymore
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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