I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
so much tequila, so little girl.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
