i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
