Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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