even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
