Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
