maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
