I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
