it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I need to align my fucking chakras
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
