shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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