Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
