I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
