At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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