i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
