like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Randomize
