yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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