my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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