i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
