I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
