If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
