she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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