I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
