Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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