I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
