Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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