I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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