My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
