is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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