We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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