im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
