Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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