We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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