UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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