Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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