idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
