Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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