If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
