apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize